


Do You Love Me (Enough To Let Me Go)

by gldenheart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (Hopefully) The Coda We Deserve, (Somewhat) Canon Compliant, Fix it (kinda) of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, It Hurts but it's Cathartic, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Requited Unrequited Love, Steve is Bisexual and he loved them BOTH, and always will, steve and bucky love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 14:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gldenheart/pseuds/gldenheart
Summary: "I loved her," his Steve whispers, brokenly. "I loved her and I loved you. I hope it was enough."





	Do You Love Me (Enough To Let Me Go)

 

> _Do you love me enough to let me go?_  
>  _To let me follow through_  
>  _To let me fall for you, my love_
> 
>   
>  _Do you love me enough to let me go?_
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>   It's near twilight and the sun is waning soft and slow over the trees. Nothing out of the ordinary to be heard over the pale, glistening lake. Nothing more than the distant calls of birds overhead and cicadas in the brush. Sam has long since gone with the shield, along with Bruce and their equipment, and in the minutes between them—  _or has it been hours_ —Bucky has not moved an inch towards the weathered bench less than five steps away from him. And the old, old man who rests quietly on its beam.
> 
>     "Sit with me, Buck." The voice rumbles gentle and deep, rasping with age. Like the steady crash and flow of waves against a rocky shore. "Please."
> 
>     As if he could ever deny him. In four almost silent strides, Bucky is by his side once more. Shoulder to shoulder, as he should have been. Always. As he longed to be since the moment they met.
> 
>     "Hey," Steve begins, his gaze slightly leveled towards his own clasped hands in his lap. Shy, and so, so _Steve,_ Bucky doesn't know whether to weep or smile. He decides on the later, though his own eyes begin to glisten, his throat hot and tight.
> 
>     "You little punk," he barely chokes out. "How d'you feel?"
> 
>     "Tired," His quiet, gravel laugh drowns Bucky with familiarity and when he— _finally_ —looks up, his soft blue eyes are blessedly warm as always. Warm and endless in their open affection. "And full of aches, believe it or not. After almost a hundred-ninety years, turns out that serum has an expiration date after all."
> 
>     "Guess I got arthritis to look forward to in the long-coming future." Bucky's lips quirk dryly, as he attempts to brush the moisture from his eyes. "Thanks for the heads up."
> 
>     They both chuckle together and it soothes and it's wonderful because it's them. In this moment, if he shut his eyes, Bucky could almost believe they’re still carefree boys, sitting and laughing, Steve's frail body pressed into his side, on their rusted fire escape in Brooklyn.
> 
>     Almost.
> 
>     It's only when the quiet takes over and fills the air between them, that the true realization of all that has changed in seconds, the infinite finality of it all overwhelms Bucky to his core. This time, he forces his own gaze to the still lake. His eyes fill with hot, silent tears that stream down and won't stop. A river threatening to pull him under for good.
> 
>     "Please tell me you were happy." The words are barely a whisper but he knows Steve will hear him. "Tell me she— _you both_ made each other happy."
> 
>     _That's all I ever wanted for you. To be happy. Even if it had to be without me. I'd give_ everything _for that, again and again._
> 
>     He shutters, overcome, as both of Steve's hands wrap around and cradle his. Frail yet secure fingers intertwining with his own tremendous ones— one human, still full of youth, one long since machine. They fit, as the always have, all the same. And he grasps back, clinging, like they are his lifeline.
> 
>     "I would've stayed for you," Steve rasps, like it's the one truth he knows, his eyes flooding just as much as his own. "Had Sam or Scott, anyone else do it instead. If you'd said the word, I wouldn't have thought twice. Or if you had asked to come, _Buck,_ you have to know I would've—"
> 
>  _"Stevie,"_ Bucky says.
> 
>     And mercifully, Steve stops. Waiting.
> 
>     He speaks that one word, that name, like it's his whole world. As if it's his only light in the constricting torturous abyss of his mind. His only anchor to reality, to himself, to knowing he is loved.
> 
>     And it is.
> 
>     It takes all of his strength but Bucky somehow finds it in him to reach out and cup his beloved's cheek, tenderly stroking the withered skin. Steve's eyes shut, as though in pain, even as he exhales shakily and presses his face into Bucky's hand. Slowly turning his head to gently leave a kiss against the silver palm. Tears continue to trail down both of their faces as Bucky's human one reaches out as well, lovingly carding his fingers through the white, thinning hair.
> 
>     "Stevie. _Don't._ After everything you sacrificed for so long, for the goddamn world, _for me..._ after all these years, you deserved _peace._ More than any of them, you deserved _rest._ Comfort and love and rest from someone who loves you. _Someone whole._ Who isn't shattered from the inside out, beyond repair. Ripped apart and put back together one too many times."
> 
>     Bucky's voice falters once more, twice, before he finds it again.
> 
>     "I'd say I've loved you since I first found you beaten and bloodied in that alley but that's not really true. I've been in love with you before we were even a thought in the universe. In this lifetime and all others scattered across dimensions, throughout all of existence. In all the trillion timelines where we've been able to find each other, and even those we haven’t. And if there's any kind of life after this one, I'll love you there too. Defending you as long as you'll let me. Till the end of the line. And beyond even that."
> 
>     Steve's own hands reach out and hold Bucky's head, bringing their foreheads to touch. Neither sobs but their tears cascade between them, silent and unending. Healing. And if there was any happiness left for him in this world, Bucky knows it's here. Where their lives together— this story —comes to an end.
> 
>     "I loved her," his Steve whispers, brokenly. "I loved her and I loved you. I hope it was enough."
> 
>  _I'm sorry I couldn't give you the same, the little house, the picket fence, the life together. I wanted to. I wish I could've,_ he doesn't say aloud.
> 
>  _I hope_ what we had _was enough._
> 
>     But Bucky hears him all the same.
> 
>     "It was. Believe me, Steve, it was."

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from this song-- https://youtu.be/bGKY0rooB4A --which I now hear as Steve and Bucky's final good-bye to each other. Give it a listen and cry with me.
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr-- https://puredean.tumblr.com.


End file.
